“Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn’t belong.”
~ Msgr. Joseph P. Dooley, Martins Creek, Pennsylvania
Before you get all up in arms at me, you need to hear me out. I’m not saying people at church are better. Far from it. They (we) are the sinners. They are the people who just can’t seem to get it right, no matter how hard they try. Their humanness shows through. They are the drinkers (or former drinkers), womanizers, gamblers, food addicts, drug addicts, shopaholics, gossips, lazy good for nothings. Just like you and me!
One of the coolest things about the Happy Family Trailer Park (HFTP) church is…if we get divorced…we’re all still cousins!
At our little HFTP church, we frequently have services out on the porch of Trailer #3. The reason we have church there is due to the following reasons. First, it’s convenient as hell. Nobody has to dress up. It’s basically come as you are. And we do. I’m not kidding…you should see some of the tacky crap these people wear! (stick poking) We don’t wear fancy clothing. Jeans and t-shirts are the soup de jour. There are those who wear their pajamas. Yes, Really! In fact, just wear what you would wear to Wal-Mart on any given day…and you’ll fit right in! I’m not kidding one iota.
Second, everybody drinks coffee, tea, Diet Coke, Pepsi (once much to the pastor’s chagrin), Monsters, McDonald’s beverage of choice and we eat donuts. Or we bring our own fast foods in. On any given morning, you are likely to see McMuffins, Breakfast Biscuits, Taquitos or the occasional pizza (Thank you! BillandMarthaNeidermeyer) from the night before. (stick poking) Hey! Pizza is a breakfast food. So is chocolate cake! (Thank you Mawdine!)
Third, we sit at tables and we talk to each other! I know what you’re thinking!
Nobody does that at church. Especially NOT the Best People. Yeah, well, come and see if I’m a liar or not. We talk, we argue, we even have the occasional ‘church purse throwdown’ with Chlorine. (again, stick poking) You never know.
And finally, the reason we have church on the porch of Trailer #3, is because we currently don’t have a building. Oh yes, there are plans for one. It’s been in the planning for 10 years now. Yes, Virginia, that is a really long time! But the pastor is of the mind-set that these things cannot be rushed…Much like the saying, “Ladies, if a man says he will do something, he will. There is no sense nagging him about it every 6 months!” (final stick poke) As optimistic as I am, I’m certain it will happen one day. But don’t miss the point here…’the church’ isn’t ‘a church’…it’s the people within. The Best People.
These are the people, unlike all those people with addictive behaviors you are used to surrounding yourself with who ‘say’ they’re gonna show up and do something to help you…well, these people actually do show up!
And not only do they show up when they say they’re gonna show up…they come in force, and they bring pizzas or burgers and beverages! (And the occasional pair of socks!” 😉 Sometimes, all the way to Moore, Oklahoma!
And they bring what we call around here in the Trailer Park, ‘mis-fit-ness.’ Knowing full well they could be judged for their differences, they just put it all out there on the clothes line to air it out. Like my friend Ms. Sugarbaker says, “Honey, we don’t’ lock up our crazies in the attic and hide them. We parade them out on the porch for everyone to see.” Because, you see, in our park, we are all just a bunch of ‘misfit toys.’ Sort of like the movie Santa Claus is Coming to Town, only with some really funky issues.
And the cool thing is, We don’t care how misfit you are; we just want to celebrate together. Use each other’s weaknesses to help make others stronger. And occasionally, we poke each other with a stick and use it against each other for fun because we’re human and we can!
So, if you have time on Sunday, and you don’t have any ‘Sunday-Go-To-Meeting-Clothes’, but you’ve just bought you some cute new pajamas pants at the Wal-Mart, consider sporting them to over to trailer #3. Where you will find the Best People.
While suggestive of actual events, this above written information is pure fiction and entirely the Gospel truth according to Nadine Bodine, and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the United States Government or Renewed Life Church of Arlington, Texas or its board members; but probably does reflect the opinions of some of the mis-fits in attendance.
All character names have been invented through the talent and wit of Ms. Nadine and are most likely reflective of years of oxygen deprivation to her brain.
A variety of sources were called upon, up to and including, the Warren Commission, 9-1-1 Commission reports, U.S. Senate and House filibusters, the Globe AND the Star, personal mis-fit eye-witness accounts and/or Facebook confessions.
Suggestively submitted by your very best friend in the whole entire world,
Aka/Malika Nadine of the Happy Family Danat Desert Resort Trailer Park
Git yer butts to church, ya’ll!