Ah yes, that season of life ‘tis upon us. Nothing so sweet as a middle aged woman with a raging mood swing, now is there?

As a charter member of ‘Our Lady of Perpetual Mood Swings,’ I know this stuff just writes itself.

Raise your hand if you have gone through the change? And I’m not talkin about switching from Dish to Direct TV.

You might say ‘poor Jose.’ You might. But I darn sure wouldn’t recommend it.

And this isn’t your ‘Hide Your Crazy’ kind of story. That is a whole entire ‘nother blog and bottle of wine in and of itself. No mam, this is a full-blown, Keep your hands off me ‘I’m HOT!’ and not in the way you’re thinking, ‘Do you THINK this LOOKS like the face of a woman who wants to have sex with you right now?’, Raging Bull, ‘You think this is a hissy fit? I’ll show you a hissy fit!’ psycho wet wild cat in a burlap sack, ‘Don’t LOOK at me in that tone of voice!’ kind of change. Clinically known as the female change of life.

Couple all of the above, with a daily 117 degree heat, in.the.shade. and you’ve got the charter recipe for one wild Momma!

In fact, sign me up, ‘cause I’m definitely the reigning Queen of the Menopausal Olympics. I’ve been prepping for the final heat of the free-style mood swings for years now it seems! And I could use some back up…who else is in? We’re in this to win this my HFTP Queens!

Ok…so you’re all geared up for something fun…and then, it hits you. Like a truck. You realize it’s gonna be one of “those” days?

You know them…those days where you would just as soon sit in a bubbly hot bathtub and drink tea and read a really sappy.trashy.housewife porn kind of book? Or where you’d just like to curl up into a ball on the couch under a quilt, eat popcorn sprinkled with milk duds and watch a chick flick….alone.

And then order a loaded pizza from Mama’s (insert your particular favorite pizza parlor of choice) and maybe drink a beer or crack open that bottle of ripple? Yeah, you “get” me.

You’re mad at the whole world for nothing in particular…and EVERYTHING in general.

Daaaammmmmmiiit! That’s what my father would say.

And right now, sitting half wet, wrapped in a towel, debating whether to head back to the tub of lukewarm water or re-apply my soft jammies, I’m pissed off.

Nothing in particular.

Just everything in general.

And then…revelation.

I could do that.

I just might do that.

But right now, I just need to get busy. Clean the house, clean out that closet, the garage, sit down and write all those overdue “thank-you’s”, make a batch of cookies, go for a walk/jog/run…whatever it is you do when you need to be busy.

For me, it’s something physical. Because doing something physical each day, keeps me honest. Gives me purpose and balance. Uplifts ME! To a better place…cause if I sit here and brood…I’m gonna shoot something.

Honest to God.

Respectfully submitted by your very best friend in the whole entire world,

Nadine Bodine

Aka/Malika Nadine of the Happy Family Danat Resort Trailer Park in the Sandbox