Nadine on Blended Families…How to succeed.
We all either have one or we know someone close to us that has a blended family.
My first exposure was when my parents divorced. I was twenty-one years old. And my Daddy took on a newborn. At the same time my Mother married into a family with 4 children, who felt like cousins, since I had known them all since birth.
So there I sat…in the middle. An only child to ‘my’ parents; and, all of a sudden I had 5 siblings! What?
At the time of the blendings, I felt more like a Cousin or an Aunt than a Sister to these kiddos! I was twenty-one. And we all adjusted pretty well to this new wave of blended families.
Even with the demographic change I never called them anything other than brother or sister. For me there was no ‘Step’ or ‘Half’.
A number of years later my Daddy added one more sister to the count. She was four at the time. I was twenty-seven. Bringing the count to 6.
And then a Really strange thing occurred when Mawdine’s husband found his long lost daughter from Pennsylvania. The count now was/is up to 7!!!
Seven siblings and only one that I actually share DNA with. But guess what?! They are all mine. Because I made them mine. Because I choose Not to differentiate between blood lines.
When we talk about each other or make introductions we don’t call each other ‘step’ or ‘half’. We are just brothers and sisters.
And I don’t make a differentiation between my Mother’s husband either. When we make introductions…he’s just my Dad. People who know me well know the truth of the relation. And people who don’t know us well, don’t care.
When Jose’ and I blended our families we had a fourteen year old, a sixteen year old and an eighteen year old. Yes! I would say we were very brave in that adventure. And we sat them all down in the beginning and told them up front, “You are all brothers and sisters.” The End. They refer to each other as brother and sister. We also told them it was us against them in any argument or battle. Don’t even think about asking Momma if Daddy said no.
It’s all how you set up the model.
You too can succeed at blending if you give your new spouse the authority that goes along with their position in your family. Or you can fail if you don’t. Their authority in the blend must be the same as any other parent the child may have. By handing your new spouse their Parent Card you will establish an order. You will set them up to succeed. This is probably the most important part of the blend. And it will prevent your blended children from dividing you.
Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt…twice.
Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋