Nadine and the Holy Grail

Monty Python has some amazing bits and skits. From the early years of PBS watching with my parents, who both love/loved British Comedy I have a great appreciation for all things British humor and satire.

One of my favorites is the classic piece from the Holy Grail in which the French soldier trades insults with King Arthur and the Crusaders. At the end, weary of his banter the King Arthur asks if there is someone else they can speak with.

https://youtu.be/QSo0duY7-9s

This assimilates into my everyday life and a phone exchange with the local water department over a bill received charging a late fee.

The exchange went something like this:

Ring…ring. Ring…ring.

Phone line is picked up but no one says anything.

Me:”Hello?”

Female voice: “Yeah, I told him he needed to get on over there.”

Dead air space for about 20-30 seconds.

Me: “Hello? Is this the City of Galveston water department?”

Female voice: “Yeah?” note, dripping with sarcasm.

Me: “I’m calling to discuss my bill.”

Female voice: “Yeah?” again, same tone.

Me: “I received a bill that shows last months payment has not been received and y’all charged us a late fee. My bank advises it was sent 5 days prior to the due date and it was received 3 days prior but y’all still have not cashed the check. I would like to get this resolved. Do you show receipt of their check?”

Female voice: “Hold on. Let me check.”…very long hold. “Yeah. We got it.”

Me: “Great! Cash the check!”

Female voice: “It’s late.”

Me:”It’s NOT late.”

Female voice: “It’s late. We just processed it.”

Me:”It’s NOT late.”

Female voice, mimicking the voice of a medieval French soldier: “ I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal-food-trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.”

Very.Long.Pause.

Me: “Is there anyone else I can talk to?”

Ignoring me, the female voice began to talk with someone else while keeping the line open. Weary as Arthur, I just hung up.

We will be in touch.

Crusadely yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋

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