(ok a day late Saturday because…THIS week!!!)

**WARNING**

**Trailer Park Language**

Parents…consider this a PSA in addition to free advice. First off y’all are doing a great job! Ok…maybe not all of y’all…but most of you.

A+ for your efforts. Kudos.

But! If we are gonna achieve our mutual goal and get these little heathens, um, I mean, children of yours graduated from high school we are going to have to collaborate and work together in this whole teaching gig.

If you haven’t crossed this video yet, please do us all a favor and click the link to watch it to see ‘this’ teachers favorite Momma.

https://youtu.be/OWF3YT8sRH8

Second PSA…Parents buy the fucking pencils and the yellow binder. Whatever is on the list! Write your Thank You NOW! And hug a teacher. Just hug them. Because they need it.

We all know they watch every move we make. They mimic every behavior we model. They learn from our ques. Because believe it or not, if they are seven or seventeen we are still everything to them.

Teach your children to be agreeable. Teach flexibility. Teach them to go with the flow sometimes. Ok?…most of the time. The school day is not the time to swim upstream. They are not salmon.

Teach your children to be collaborative. Teach them ability to work well with others, to accept their quirky-ness and flaws and still get the job done. Model that shit ok?

Teach your children to be inclusive and to play well with others and teach them to sit with them during lunch and any other time. Mainly teach them to not let others sit alone.

Teach them NOT to talk back. I always told my little Dramamine it is ok to question authority…but don’t be an ass about it. Don’t let them grow up in your house and be little Sassholes. Because if you don’t discipline them for this…I will. That crap might be cute when they are 2 or 3, but at age 17 it is no longer cute. Trust me…your Sasshole kid is gonna get knocked into next week with my Chancla stick.

Teach peace.

Teach them to be kind.

Teach them to be excellent.

Teach them to be weird, funny, quiet, smart, athletic, theatre, numbers, teachers pet, chatterbox, Valedictorian, middle of the pack, and ‘barely made it.’

Teach them.

Just don’t teach them wrong.

And for all that is holy and sacred in this world…please don’t teach them to be mean.

It’s FREE! As in No Charge. Nada. Doesn’t cost you one single thing. As head Queen of the Trailer Park and the Self-Appointed Life Coach to many, this is just another service I provide. A quick reminder last week’s advice was: Parenting Advice: Empty Nesters. Do please go read, like and share as you see fit.

Advisingly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️�

A mere 6 months ago when I first started the keto diet I did not understand what true hunger was. It was a learning curve over the next few months. It wasn’t until I was 30, 60, 90 days in that my ‘lack of appetite’ met my truck-driver-homegirl’s-gotta-eat mentality. I was a happy camper eating everything in the trailer park whenever I wanted.

I had to learn again what it truly felt like to ‘feel’ hungry.

For far too long I ate on a time clock. If it was breakfast time, lunchtime or supper time…I ate whether I was hungry or not. It was ‘Time’ to eat. And eat a lot I did!

Now, however, Jose’ and I have been doing Keto Intermittent Fasting and rarely feel true hunger but maybe once a day. Intermittent Fasting (IF), for the lay person, is eating in a window of time that is offset by a prolonged time of not eating. We fast for 16 hours and try to eat only in the remaining 8 hour window; usually between 10:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. Because we go to bed with the chickens eating supper early is our goal. And no, you will not starve; but you WILL lose weight.

So what do we do if we are not hungry, but it’s that 8-hour window?!!! Don’t we ‘have’ to eat something? No. We don’t. Mind you this does not occur every day. But when it does…we just don’t eat.

Other days, I feel like I am eating all day. My stomach rumbles and I feed it. And I know that it will all balance out.

We still maintain our healthier weights.

And we honor our bodies when they tell us to eat…or not.

Not surprising this is a very common Keto phenomenon among Keto eaters.

I am not that I’ve-got-to-eat-because-it’s-time-to-eat person anymore. I just feed my body when I am hungry…or not.

And now for the license disclosure…because I am a nurse and not licensed to prescribe a diet or any medications for you the information provided is purely my and my husband’s own personal success. It is never a bad idea to check with a licensed provider prior to embarking on any weight loss plan. Just know that the medical community has literally a thimble full of information about Keto and will stand firm on their food pyramid of the last 25 years! However, their evidence-based research should be enough to turn anyone away from it to explore something new.

Ketoly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋

**Warning Trailer Park Language**

It was a dark and stormy night…at the Walmart…a little over a year ago when this fantastic opportunity fell in my lap!

I had the privilege to encounter a woman at the Walmart who gave me her testimony. As it poured outside, she poured out her passionate heart about the career option of teaching. She told me they were looking for people like ‘Me’ to teach Health Science to high schoolers. Equipped with a doctorate in biology and previously working as a research scientist, she told me about Texas Teachers and how much she loved her job as a teacher.

We now affectionately refer to her as the Walmart Lady.

After the frog strangler passed, I went home from the Walmart full of excitement and renewed interest. As I search the Texas Teachers website and read about the qualifications, I became overjoyed with the thought of the challenge to be a teacher. I had no idea what I was getting myself and Jose’ into. And I much did not care…because I was drowning in a job I detested.

I had a teaching job within 10 days!

That first year was a wild and crazy ride with a LOT of personal and professional hiccups and growth opportunities.

But I am happy to report that landmark first year is in the rear view mirror.

I went to a few classes this summer and I am looking forward to doing things a whole lot differently this year. And better!

For starters I have already laid down the law with my Chancla Stick. Trust me…this bad boy is gonna be a Teacher’s Best Friend!

The instructions said all you have to do is slap it on the table to get their attention…you know…get that threat in early on the first day of school! Worth a try!

I also learned it helps to tell them that everything they heard about you is right. You are crazy. Helps to set them up for a real roller coaster ride!

And sarcasm…it’s truly a wonder to behold. In teacher school they say you shouldn’t use it in the classroom. I sooooo disagree. We all know there is the Teacher School way of doing things and doing things out here in the real world! They failed to tell us in teacher school that ‘Well-Played Sarcasm’ is a VERY useful teaching tool. It makes the kids feel like they are being entertained! And they keep coming back for more. I actually learned that technique in college from a professor…Thank you Dr. Jim Nairne, PhD.

Another little useful invention for Classroom Management comes in a tiny plastic package. It’s called a Zip Tie or Tie Wrap! Not only are they useful to mend a broken backpack, purse or lunch kit…but they come in extra handy as a temporary restraint! Quickly cuts off with a pair of pocket scissors if an administrator happens to stroll through the building!

Also, this past year while observing another teacher, I learned the fine art of whispering. As I saw a student acting out the teacher calmly went over to the student, bent down and whispered, “If you don’t stop that now I am going to kill you!”…I think I already have a bead on three or four kids I’m gonna try that on.

And kudos to those favorite teacher’s Mommas…not that I expect to have any this year…but in case I do…here is a video of the model favorite teacher Momma!!!

https://youtu.be/OWF3YT8sRH8

So parents…Do please write those thank you notes in advance…

Hug a teacher!..

And buy the fucking pencils and the yellow binder!

Don’t worry…your kids are safe with me! I’ve got them managed.

Classroom Managingly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋

I think they look stupid no matter how old you are.

Sorry not sorry.

I’m cool with long hair. All good here. Shades of hippie days I suppose.

But the man-bun…Not. And not that it’s not for everyone…they’re just not for anyone I’m afraid.

I’ve tried to keep an open mind, really, I have. Even people I know and love nearly and dearly wear them.

But I just can’t.

I can’t even.

Not even this one.

Cut & color me out.

So Jose’, you will just have to keep it high and tight babe…or long and flowing.

Just Don’t ask me for a scrunchie!

Short cutly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋

I know a family who has a 39 year old male adult child who still lives at home. HE WON’T LEAVE! The Momma complains.

Talk about your failure to launch! Me thinks this problem did not manifest over night.

Growing up in the trailer park my hippies, Mawdine and Double R, told me very early in…that once graduation from high school commenced…I had three choices to make for my future.

In raising my own little Dramamine, I decided to do it the same way.

Three choices:

1- Stay home for four years.

No! not four and a half…and definitely not five. Just four. Suck us dry. Live at home for FREE!!! Use the laundry equipment, enjoy home cooked meals, free cable and Internet, free rent & utilities. Work part time for your spending/running money and get her done in four years and then…get out.

2- Join the military and then…get out.

3- LEAVE! Move out on your own! Since you already know everything. You’ll be good punkin. Good luck. Momma loves you…get out.

A word for Empty-nesters…some little birds leave the nest before the mama and papa bird are ready. Let them go. Don’t try don’t try and clip their wings; lest they fall to the ground and get eaten by the cats.

Trust me and Jose’ when we say it is great being an Empty-nesters!

Now days you can even have a precious little professional photograph with you and your spouse holding an empty nest! How clever is that?!

Please do not forget to mention as those little darlings leave your house that they are not boomerangs. This means once you go out you do not come back. And you darn sure don’t bring anyone else home with you!

The best way to be a successful empty Nester it is to communicate this information to your little bird early in the game. When they are little, say age three or four. Let them know this is how the game ends. No surprises. No miscommunication. No misunderstandings.

Since those teenagers and toddlers are much the same; Give them a choice. They are seeking independence so given a choice they will be able to make good choices.

Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt? Do you want to pick up your toys or go to time out?

Do you want to go back to your room and change your outfit and put on something more appropriate for dinner or do you want to stay at home and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich by yourself? Do you want to do your homework or do you want to give me your keys and your cell phone? Choices. That’s what I’m talking about.

It’s FREE! As in No Charge. Nada. Doesn’t cost you one single thing. As head Queen of the Trailer Park and the Self-Appointed Life Coach to many, this is just another service I provide. A quick reminder last week’s advice was: Trailer Park First Date. Do please go read, like and share as you see fit.

Boomerangs my butt!

Empty/nestingly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋

I read an online article a few days ago that absolutely broke my heart. It seems that a certain group of people in Austin organized a March. This group of people, young and old, all colors, sizes, shapes and walks of life got together due to a common denominator. Their common ground, you ask?

They no longer felt valued or loved.

Many had been completely rejected by their families, parents, Daddies and Mommas. REALLY?!!! (Yes, I am yelling.)

Why? Because they love who they love.

My knee-jerk reaction was who in the world could reject their own child because of a sexual preference; and, what would Jesus say about this today?

I expect it would be the same thing he would have said over 2,000 years ago. Love them anyway. Love them. Love them because I loved you first. Love them. Love them because I expect you to love them as I love you.

Just love them.

Now we all know that I am not a bible scholar and I don’t profess to be so. But! I have known Jesus since I was seven years old. And I am pretty sure that he would be telling us to show and share love in the same manner we ourselves wish to be loved.

In the early trailer park years growing up with my hippies, Mawdine and Double R, taught me to accept and love ALL people. I’m pretty sure Jesus felt the same way. He surrounded himself with people who needed him. And he helped them most by, first, loving them unconditionally!

Now there’s a concept we need to wrap our little trailer park heads around. Unconditional love without judgement.

This makes me want to go screaming from the roof of my trailer! Just love people where they are in life. Accept them at face value and stop trying to project your agenda on them. The world and your trailer park will be a better place. I promise.

So hug that person who really looks like they need one. Hug them. Hug them with all your heart. Especially those who voice feelings of rejection or loneliness. Hug them the way your Momma hugs you.

Lovingly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋

Do you remember being a kid? I mean Really remember?

Wanting with all your heart to be older and independently on your own? But still arm wrestling with that childish lazy dependence on the adults surrounding and supporting you. And those summers.

Those lazy endless days of summer? Remember? Where the biggest decision you had to make all day was what time you wanted to roll out of bed and which kind of cereal you would eat for breakfast?

Searching desperately for a kid’s program to watch on television. Having to ‘get up’ to change the channels. Riding bicycles and mini-bikes until dark thirty. Swimming at the City pool or anywhere you were invited. Catching fireflies and keeping them in a mason jar. Gigging frogs in the creek.

And all your Mother wanted you to do was get up early, do your chores and for Pete’s sake read a book!

I miss those days. I miss the sweetness of the endless summers and all they entailed; before we grew up too fast and made commitments to summer sports and part-time jobs.

Just a lazy day in your pajamas.

You could probably use one of those days about now.

Good thing my G-maw knew me so well. Every summer I had the pleasure of spending a whole week with her. Just her and me. One day out of that week she would declare a stay-at-home-pajama-party. We began the day by sleeping in, which was followed by coffee with a LOT of cream and sugar. We would sit outside on the patio wearing our sear sucker house coats. Hers fit marvelously while mine drug the ground a bit even though we had pinned up the hem with large safety pins. She never seemed to mind if I got it a little bit dirty. There she would water her flowers and tell me stories about herself as a child on her Daddy’s farm. How her Mother rode a horse bareback with her long Indian braids trailing in the wind behind her; and how she, herself, could hitch up a horse and wagon all by herself before she was 11 years old! Her voice was kind and tender full of melancholy. The sun would shine, flowers bloomed and all was right with the world for a few mid-morning hours.

A fellow Cancerian, she understood my sensitive nature and the need to sometimes ‘just be’. Together we would marvel at the beauty of the flowers she had planted earlier in the Spring. And we would plot and plan a vacation for later in the summer.

A shopping day was included in our week together where we would drive to Dallas and shop the downtown area. Neiman’s was one of many stops that included lunch at a counter grill inside the Motts store complete with a Coke float! She would buy me pretty dresses for school, a pair of new shoes and a few school supplies.

Tomorrow is Back to School for teachers. I have exactly one week to wrap up my lesson plans and get my room ready for the anxious young minds searching for careers in Health Care…

Exhale.

My endless summer is coming to a sweet end. It’s been full of lazy pajama days drinking coffee on the back porch with family and friends…and training…and writing…and a summer vacation swimming in the beautiful Caribbean Sea, soaking up those last rays and drinking tequila with Jose’ on our second little Isela by the sea.

So Salute Mexico. Salute summer. I’ll see you again soon.

And that book I was supposed to read? Just finished it Mawdine.

Endlessly summerly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋

Broke A$$ Trailer Park Keto

Since Jose’ and I have embarked together into this new Way Of Eating (WOE) we have received encouragement, criticism, camaraderie, support and a plethora of questions.

One of the most frequent questions has been, how much does it cost? Followed by, what all do I have to buy? And, is it expensive?

Eating Keto is no more expensive that your regular food bill. If anything, it is much cheaper and continues to be cheaper as we go …once invested in the basics like Almond & Coconut flours, Olive Oil, Coconut Oil and Avocado Oil. Because we are no longer buying bottled water, canned sodas and crappeth like Oreos & chips the bill at the grocery is a whole lot less. Our money goes towards real foods and not empty calorie consumption. And because we have our meats delivered by an amazing company called Taylor Gourmet Foods. We have used them for 9 years now. The link to their company is here…

https://www.taylorgourmetfood.com/

But you don’t have to buy free-range hormone free organic foods to eat Keto. You can shop at the Wally or even Dollar Gentral with your food stamps and achieve the same goal.

Start simple. Start small. Stop eating any and all foods that contain ANY sugar in them. Basically, don’t eat anything white. (We’re not being racist.) The exception here is Cauliflower that we use like rice in many savory dishes including Sushi! Yup!

First things first…if you think this is for you then you MUST clean out your pantry, spice rack and refrigerator condiments of all High Fructose Corn Syrup and sugars. Sugar by any other name (read 57 of them!) is still sugar! Get rid of it.

Link to 61 different in-plain-view names for Sugar.

http://sugarscience.ucsf.edu/hidden-in-plain-sight/#.W29dwuNOmEc

Bag all that crap up and take it to work with you, place it on the break room table with a sign boldly stating “Free to a good home.” Or take it to your local homeless shelter that provides meals.

Everything. Make it all go away so you won’t be tempted. That includes that sweet pickle relish, jellies, ketchup, salad dressings. Clean out your frig. All of it sista!

Then go shopping.

Buy a good digital scale and an insulated water bottle. Mine cost $12.00 each.

Bullet Proof Coffee is the start to every morning, followed by fruit infused water. You will need coffee, Coconut Oil and real heavy cream.

For meals start simple and small with meat as the center of every meal plus a vegetable and healthy fat.

Frequently the meat is cooked all day in the crock pot. Cheap cuts of beef (we only eat twice a week), chicken (legs and thighs) and fatty fish like catfish and salmon.

We eat a LOT of eggs! They are a cheap meal. We pair them with avocados and/or ham, bacon or cheese of any kind.

We eat at least 1/2 if not a whole avocado each…each day.

Note…be careful of hidden sugars in things like salsa and ketchup! We now dip the occasional shared order of French fries in Ho-made mayonnaise. Occasional being the operative word. We have both reached goal and are currently on vacation.

Paired with the meat is usually any one green vegetable of choice. From salad with cucumber and celery…to bacon/Brussels sprout skewers…to Asparagus…or Broccoli with real cheese sauce…and everything green in between. We will eat anything green as long as it doesn’t eat us first.

Dressings and sauces are ho-made with real fresh ingredients utilizing moderate amounts of natural sweeteners like Stevia, Erythritol and Xylitol. Be cautious as some of these can have adverse reactions like intestinal upset or headaches for some due to their plant based nature. (Another blog to follow.) Also, utilized too much can actually make your weight loss stall! Yikes!

If you’re not buying the crap then there is a little more money for experimentation with some of the ‘designer’ products. Just make sure it’s real food!

In the next few weeks we will explore the advantages of Intermittent Fasting (IF) and One Meal A Day (OMAD)…seriously. You will find yourself so satisfied, full and truly not hungry that you may only truly have belly growl once a day. You remember belly growl, right? Maybe not. So we are gonna talk about it.

And now for the license disclosure…because I am a nurse and not licensed to prescribe a diet or any medications for you the information provided is purely my and my husband’s own personal success. It is never a bad idea to check with a licensed provider prior to embarking on any weight loss plan. Just know that the medical community has literally a thimble full of information about Keto and will stand firm on their food pyramid of the last 25 years! However, their evidence-based research should be enough to turn anyone away from it to explore something new.

Ketoly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋

This week’s free Advice will be coming to you in two parts.

Both Jose’ and I have some advice for men and women about finding true love. Some Do’s and Dont’s for the first date…But first some sage wisdom prior to getting to that point.

Before we give any valued advice we both would like to advise…Stop looking so hard. Stop being so desperate. Stop posting on social media about looking. Stop whining that you haven’t met your match. Instead, take some action about the process of love by way of working on you. Relax. Just let the process flow. And Network!

Networking is your friend when looking for love…lest y’all look for love in all the wrong places (Cue Johnny Lee). Avoid free Internet Dating websites. Y’all get what you pay for. And if you’re not paying for it you’re gonna attract a LOT of weirdos.

Your friends probably know best about personal references and compatibilities. They ‘see’ things you may not always see. Later on they will see Red Flags you may not see. Pay attention to them. They are your friends and they mean well!

From Jose’ to women…

1- Don’t wear too much perfume.

2- Don’t wear too much makeup or show too much cleavage.

3- Don’t be fake.

4- Don’t try to jump the check on the first date, but do offer to go Dutch when the check arrives if the date is not going well. Don’t be a Gold Digger.

5- Don’t be a beeyach if the first date goes south.

6- Don’t have your friends call you every 30 min checking in to see if the date is going south.

7- Don’t set the bar too high. Keep it real. If you weigh >250 lbs and are 5’ tall you are not going to end up with a Male Super Model. Stay within your weight and class.

8- Unless you are really hungry, don’t order an appetizer, three drinks, the most expensive item on the menu, a dessert and then ask for a take home box. That’s just tacky.

9- Unless you are sick don’t make excessive trips to the bathroom to touch up your makeup or rat out your hair.

10 – If the date is going south be woman enough to shake hands, say Thank you and leave. Don’t promise another date leaving the carrot on the string.

From Nadine to the men…

1- Men don’t take business/personal phone calls at the table. If you must take the call don’t talk shop at the table. Politely excuse yourself and don’t be gone more than 2-3 minutes.

2- Don’t flash your wallet with all of your money and credit cards and definitely don’t lay out your American Express Centurion Card 20 minutes before the bill arrives.

3- Don’t wear too much gold or cologne. Don’t show too much cleavage or butt crack! Pull up your pants.

4- Don’t talk about your ex-wives/girlfriends in a deragatory way. Or in any way. It makes you look bad. Likewise don’t post your trash talk on Social Media.

5- Don’t ask so many questions that it seems like the Spanish Inquisition. Play fair with 50/50 talk about yourself and your date.

6- Don’t get all touchy feely and try to kiss/grope/man handle on the first date. Just be normal and hold hands.

7- Not until the end of the date…and then only if the date has gone well, always ask permission if you can kiss her before you kiss her…not as you are doing it.

8- Don’t set the bar too high. If your idea of a six pack is six cold Budweiser’s in a bucket of ice, don’t expect to date a woman who looks like a Super Model. Keep it real dudes.

9- Don’t stare and/or try to engage or flirt with other women. That includes the waitress.

10 – If the date is going south be man enough to shake hands, say Thank you and leave. Don’t promise to call leaving the carrot on the string.

For both sexes…don’t take yourself so seriously.

It’s FREE! As in No Charge. Nada. Doesn’t cost you one single thing. As head Queen of the Trailer Park and the Self-Appointed Life Coach to many, this is just another service I provide. A quick reminder last week’s advice was: Trailer Park Divorce 101. Do please go read, like and share as you see fit.

Advisingly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋

I’ve met my match…after 17 years on the street…I laid a bike down in the street yesterday for the first time. It happens to the best of us I’m told. (Don’t tell my Momma!)

IKR?!!! WTHeck?

Luckily the only thing I hurt was my feelings and my pride…and a front fender…and a passenger side quarter panel.

And even luckier still because I am married to Jose’ who did not yell; instead, he just pulled out his wallet. I tell ya, I am one lucky gal.

At least it wasn’t my bike at home.

Somehow 250cc got the best of me.

And no, no alcohol was involved. I was pulling out from a church if you can believe me. As I pulled out a wild and crazy taxi came out of no where. Literally from no where. As I accelerated to avoid being hit by him…I failed to negotiate the turn completely and ran smack right into the side of a parked car! Laugh-In style.

Thank you Motorcycle Jesus for watching over me…and Jose’.

The errant taxi driver drove away. Leaving me to explain to the owner with humble apologies. Per her explanation this is the second time her vehicle has been struck in less than six months. We settled financially with her husband.

Daddy always said there are only two kinds of riders: 1- those that have gone down and 2- those that are going down.

Welcome to the second category. I am proud to report I got back up on that horse and rode it hard. We rode all around the island and then back to the garage. It had to be done.

Once we settled up financially with the motorcycle rental, we hit up one of our favorite places for supper and the band there was playing…are you ready?…‘Everything Gonna Be Allright.’

I guess it is. We’re still on Island Time.

Every-ting All-rightly Yours Mon,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋