Nadine’s Free Advice Friday ~ 08/03/18

Here is this week’s Free Advice ~ Trailer Park Divorce 101

So you have done all you can to make it work? You have invested financially, emotionally, politically, spiritually and physically in this marriage for at least six weeks!!! Or possibly longer?…but sadly none of that is working? And now you have arrived at Hall Sex. The beginning of the end of the relationship.

Hall Sex? The final sex in the marital sex trifecta. It follows Bedroom Sex also called Happily Married Sex that followed Anywhere Sex. Anywhere Sex also known as Honeymoon Sex is that amazing anywhere, anytime sex you had BC (Before Children).

Once children and busy careers were in the mix, there was Bedroom/Happily Married Sex; that was the sex you had ‘when’ and ‘if’ you could in the bedroom behind a locked door, or when you were on vacation without the children. Married people are lucky to have Vacation Sex!

However life happens. And for some divorce happens…and that can sadly lead to Hall Sex. Once you are there there is no going back. For many it is time to lawyer up! But wait! Advice is coming forthwith.

First, by definition, Hall Sex is the precursor sex to an impending divorce. It is when you pass each other in the hallway and say ‘F-you’ and your partner replies either with the same expletive or not at all.

Don’t make eye contact!

You’re done.

Now what?

Before you lawyer up consider saving everyone a whole lot of drama and money. Money you could and should be spending on your next trailer park wedding. If you can…

Unless you find yourself married to a Drama King or Queen. If so, cut to the chase, lawyer up and get her done!

If you are one of the lucky ones, NOT married to drama, count yourself fortunate. Sit down alone and write out your demands.

Be reasonable.

Follow the law.

Have your once beloved spouse do the same. Come together in a public place…without the children…like a Denney’s. I recommend Denney’s because you will NEVER go there again once divorced. It will have too much negative divorce JuJu attached to it and you will not want to go there with your new gal or guy. You will want to go to I-Hop or the Waffle House…the atmosphere and food are so much better. Make sure your soon-to-be-ex picks up the check. Once you have arrived at an agreement, papers signed then just slide the check across the table and sweetly say, “Darlin’ this one is on you.” Get your purse and walk out.

Be sure to have them sign those papers there at the table. Don’t let them go have a few beers at Bubba’s Drive-Thru Beer Barn and exotic emporium lest they change their mind and welch on your agreement!

Next! File those papers immediately at the court house and while you are there pick up the papers you will need to file for wage garnishment! Be proactive. Take no prisoners!

Then go to work diligently or sit at your little casa for the next 60 days. This is not party time. Wait patiently and do not make or take any calls from the soon-to-be-ex. Just don’t.

And of course, this Should go without saying, but Do Not…DO NOT have sex with them! Or with anyone else lest you need last week’s advice Trailer Park Birth Control.

Take Care Of Business (TCB)…before you start moving on. Keep your nose clean and stay out of any trouble with the law because I don’t have enough bail money put back and you look awful in orange.

There it is. Trailer Park Divorce 101.

It’s FREE! As in No Charge. Nada. Doesn’t cost you one single thing. As head Queen of the Trailer Park and the Self-Appointed Life Coach to many, this is just another service I provide. A quick reminder last week’s advice was: Trailer Park Birth Control. Do please go read, like and share as you see fit.

Advisingly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋