Nadine on…Classroom Management and the First Day of School

**Warning Trailer Park Language**

It was a dark and stormy night…at the Walmart…a little over a year ago when this fantastic opportunity fell in my lap!

I had the privilege to encounter a woman at the Walmart who gave me her testimony. As it poured outside, she poured out her passionate heart about the career option of teaching. She told me they were looking for people like ‘Me’ to teach Health Science to high schoolers. Equipped with a doctorate in biology and previously working as a research scientist, she told me about Texas Teachers and how much she loved her job as a teacher.

We now affectionately refer to her as the Walmart Lady.

After the frog strangler passed, I went home from the Walmart full of excitement and renewed interest. As I search the Texas Teachers website and read about the qualifications, I became overjoyed with the thought of the challenge to be a teacher. I had no idea what I was getting myself and Jose’ into. And I much did not care…because I was drowning in a job I detested.

I had a teaching job within 10 days!

That first year was a wild and crazy ride with a LOT of personal and professional hiccups and growth opportunities.

But I am happy to report that landmark first year is in the rear view mirror.

I went to a few classes this summer and I am looking forward to doing things a whole lot differently this year. And better!

For starters I have already laid down the law with my Chancla Stick. Trust me…this bad boy is gonna be a Teacher’s Best Friend!

The instructions said all you have to do is slap it on the table to get their attention…you know…get that threat in early on the first day of school! Worth a try!

I also learned it helps to tell them that everything they heard about you is right. You are crazy. Helps to set them up for a real roller coaster ride!

And sarcasm…it’s truly a wonder to behold. In teacher school they say you shouldn’t use it in the classroom. I sooooo disagree. We all know there is the Teacher School way of doing things and doing things out here in the real world! They failed to tell us in teacher school that ‘Well-Played Sarcasm’ is a VERY useful teaching tool. It makes the kids feel like they are being entertained! And they keep coming back for more. I actually learned that technique in college from a professor…Thank you Dr. Jim Nairne, PhD.

Another little useful invention for Classroom Management comes in a tiny plastic package. It’s called a Zip Tie or Tie Wrap! Not only are they useful to mend a broken backpack, purse or lunch kit…but they come in extra handy as a temporary restraint! Quickly cuts off with a pair of pocket scissors if an administrator happens to stroll through the building!

Also, this past year while observing another teacher, I learned the fine art of whispering. As I saw a student acting out the teacher calmly went over to the student, bent down and whispered, “If you don’t stop that now I am going to kill you!”…I think I already have a bead on three or four kids I’m gonna try that on.

And kudos to those favorite teacher’s Mommas…not that I expect to have any this year…but in case I do…here is a video of the model favorite teacher Momma!!!

So parents…Do please write those thank you notes in advance…

Hug a teacher!..

And buy the fucking pencils and the yellow binder!

Don’t worry…your kids are safe with me! I’ve got them managed.

Classroom Managingly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your VERY Best friend in the whole wide world 🌎☮️❤️🚋

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